Big questions:

Ch 6
there is a new president in 2003? There was nothing to indicate that the incumbent was defeated in the election of 2000 and it says that he "ran on a simple platform" and that he was the "new president."
Two plus years in office shouldn't be considered too new.

Ch 12
"The gouges and nicks were otherwise regarded as scars..."
didn't _Hymn_ say that the Suits had nano-self-repair systems that could virtually rebuild the whole suit?

Ch 38
"Euro Fortress Command, a joint operations unit centered around France and Germany, had chosen to engage the initial landings."
Why? There were no european landings.

Ch 73
"Each of the suits could keep up a continuous stream of fire for over thirty minutes with onboard munitions."
With a grav-gun's 500 rounds/second, that means they carry 900000 rounds? More than in _Hymn_, but not specified as Grim Reapers.


Little Questions:

Ch 13
talking about the reactivated Iowas... there were Iowas with 14" mains?
I thought they all had 16"?

Ch 25
"In Sharon's case, the same nannites that scoured Fleet bodies for radiation damage would make short work of the sunburn."
Doesn't that negate the little story about 'Captain Sunburn' from Ch 13?

Ch 38
"The line of fortresses, representing tens of millions of man-hours effort, had been shredded by the first wave of the assault."
What? No mega-PPF's or other active defenses for the PDCs?

Ch 38
"...and tore the ship loose from her moorings."
I know she's in restricted waters, but she's _moored_?

Ch 46
"And the mistake is somewhere in the computer."
These are Terran computers, not Galactic! A Galactic virus is trashing them?


Noise Level Questions:

Ch 1
mid-chapter reference to Barwhon IV, not V, as it should be

Ch 2
in the line "For the first time in the history in an emergency call-up...", "...in the history in an..." sounds like it should read "...in history in an..." or "...in the history of an..." (the first, most likely).

Ch 5
the phrase "crop rotas"??

Ch 5
should "handless" be "handleless"?

Ch 11
first para "alsow" should be "also"

Ch 13
should 'caste have a single close quote before the dialog ending double quote?

Ch 13
"He turned __ot__ the frowning and bleary eyed captain."

Ch 13
"As we get people position most of the major problems..."
shouldn't that be something like "we get people _in_ position..."

Ch 13
"...reward for maxing your FISTEP"
I've seen FSTEP and FISTEP now. Which is it?

Ch 13
"As you __whist__."
no doubt it should be 'wish'

Ch 16
"list for __businesse__ and manufacturing"
no doubt 'business' or 'businesses'

Ch 16
"...away from montane zones..."
'montane', never heard of it

Ch 23
"door that he voice had issues"
should that be '...that the voice had issued'?

Ch 25
"He didn't envy the frowning litte bastard his job."
'litte'? Colloquialism or typo - there is at least one more later.

Ch 25
"If this isn't paradise," he opined to the trader, __it's__ within the limits of tolerance"
open quotes before it's?

Ch 25
"How in the __hel__ anyone could miss the Bahamas I'll never know"
'Hell' no doubt.

Ch 25
"...proof he was nocking back like water"
'knocking'?

Ch 27
"...cracking her nuckles..."
'knuckles'?

Ch 40
"A thump __though__ the ground..."
'through', no doubt.

Ch 42
"TWO GUN, AIMING POINT __IDENTITIED__!"
'Identitied' or 'Identified', you do this both ways.

Ch 45
"Working from the same office complex in Shockoe Circle __that where__ Keene and Mueller had paused in their..."
'that' or 'where', couldn't you decide? :)

Ch 45
"a continuous wall that would well-nigh impossible for the Posleen"
'be well-nigh' or 'well-nigh be'? (OK, I'm no English Major!)

Ch 45
"far too steep for the __quadruple__ Posleen to negotiate"
'quadruped'?

Ch 49
"Ersin snapped forward like a snake until his scarred Eurasian face was inches from the __civilians__."
civilian's?

Ch 50
"Three of those divisions had contributed __there__ mortars"
'their'?

Ch 50
"The 120mm rounds arced gracefully upward to __perigee__ then tilted over and headed down."
'apogee'?

Ch 62
"The platoon had torn through __ft.__ Myer"
Capital 'Ft.'

Ch 64
"i think this"
'I'

Ch 67
"the east side of the _washington monument_ mound"
Capitals?

Ch 69
"The slight specialist __drug__ the driver"
\Not 'dragged'?

Ch 71
"I'm not __evne__ going to think about it."
'even'


General commentary:

Ch 13
"lighting that remained at constant intensity but slid through the spectrum in varying increments"
Normally, I'd say that was 'colorful', but I think I'll stick with 'unique'

Ch 13
I was going to comment on the sad showing by the Indowy equipment, but since it is so far beyond the design lifetime, it seems reasonable.


In Florida, Mike seemed to advertise what he was carrying in trade goods - not good from a safety or haggling aspect.

Ch 29
"The F-two thousand Space Falcon could do the identical maneuver."
What's impressive for an airplane should be SOP iin a space fighter

Ch 30
'never get involved in a land war in Asia'
the only place I've ever heard that line was in "The Princess Bride."

Ch 32
"Who knows, the horse might still sing."
The first time I ever read a reference to that line, the author diverged to tell the old joke. Assuming common knowledge?

Ch 38
"the debts for his entire company might be set aside"
This sounds like an arrangement that the Darhel would set up.


Speaking of which... Michelle's line "May the Alldenata keep you." and the Posleen's comment "These thresh are tricky as the Alld'nt." (From _Hymn_) These words bear a striking resemblance to a common root. Care to elaborate?

Ch 38
"Medals, commendations and lucrative defense contracts would be based on that, false, assumption. That, however, was for the future."
I like how you did that. Give hope for the future in the midst of battle.

Ch 39
"Then another Darhel factor pointed out that we could probably sell them as scrap and cover the cost of the removal."
well, at least they could see *that* Darhel scam coming!

Ch 40
"Pile 'em up like cordwood."
Personal opinion here, but this phrase is getting used an awful lot...

Ch 45
"the barrels actively dissipated heat"
nice, no swapping barrels!

Ch 48
I was surprised the Posleen bothered to learn some English.

Ch 53
I found Cally's shooting to be just a touch excessive for an eight-year-old. Maybe she's just bright, but a bit tough.

Ch 59
"the Morgues had their own onboard power source"
A truck-portable fusion plant is big enough to fuel all those suits at once?

Ch 62
"But, hell, the horse might sing."
We're treading into "Weber's Disease" with the reuse of such phrases!

Ch 65
"The program was called "Perfect Hell" and was a minefield design aid"
Is there such a program? (Just curious.)

A possible from Hymn:

Ch 26
"Lt. Eamons gave his friend an unseen nod of farewell and casually blasted a hole in the wall with his M-200."
Isn't the grav gun an M-300? I think there may be a reference to an M-330, as well.


Gust Front:


General commentary:


Still no mention of the Barwhon SpecOp nestling.


No follow through on the murders of Hume and Jervic from Operation Deep Look. (If the head honchos in a secret operation get hosed so publicly, you'd expect *some* investigation.)


I've already mentioned the CONARC/CONDEF issue.

Ch 5
"...you have to pay more attention to your friends than your enemies. You can defend against the enemy, but it is damn hard to defend yourself against your own side."
The cover blurb!

Ch 6
Looks like you took a chainsaw to the chapter!

Ch 30
"...until sufficient forces are available to destroy the infestation."
I like the feeling that 'infestation' leaves.

Ch 30
'Cyberpunks'
Are you going anywhere in particular with them? Just curious that you've added what sounds like a cyber-tigerteam and not used them front and center, just peripherally in the Tenth Hacking sequence.

Ch 33
"...Fredericksburg Executive Building. A seven story block of unimaginative 70s architecture, it had all the aesthetic appeal of a brick, creating a modern eyesore..."
You know this building and hate it, right? :)

Ch 34
"Only widespread reports of it as a fecund world..."
How the heck would the Posleen Net know *that*??

Ch 34
"Their crocodilian heads swayed from side to side..."
I keep gettiing the image of Jar-Jar Binks with four legs! :)

Ch 38
"I've got a way to get a map of Fredericksburg, maybe, sir."
That seems rather shabby for their command area, doesn't it?

Ch 73
"...the sensors wrested from the long-gone Alldn't..."
I *completely* missed this reference on the first read.

You have a General Ford and a General Olds?
Where's General Chevy!


Moderate Questions:

Ch 2
"He noticed in passing the _scars_ still on O'Neal's forearm as the captain saluted."
They can regrow whole limbs, but the one limb that survived (I assume that's the arm we're talking about) shows scars?

Ch 2
"Since _Barwhon_ he had been hitting both tobacco and alcohol kind of hard."
Already dealt with this one. :)

Ch 14
"The sunburn from the last had actually overwhelmed his protective nannites."
Maybe I don't like the way the nannites appear from the blue like this. Maybe something along the lines of 'his Fleet issue anti-radiation nannites', or some such.

Ch 22
"...a naturally _febrile_ mind..."
Do you really want to start that low? Or saw he was smart, _then_ rocketed to genius?

Ch 29
"If anti-protons and protons were injected into a magnetic plenum chamber it creates a thrust just made for getting down and busy."
Just dumping protons and antiprotons to react gives you scads of energy, which will do unwelcome things to the chamber walls, you still need a reactant to push out of the chamber. Like having a jet of water being sprayed with antiprotons, the annihilation energy will heat the remaining water to a high-temp plasma and blast it out the chamber.

Ch 34
"Advanced _Individual_ Weapon"
You've called it that and the Advanced Infantry Weapon. Which is it?

Ch 38
"...the description he coaxed out of the net interface was worse."
How the heck is this Net getting such reasonably up-to-date information?

Ch 38
"These _popguns_ are useless."
Somehow, I can't see these aliens using that word (or even a translated version of it).

Ch 38
"As it was the center designed to be complete in another month, that concrete should have been pouring on, ..."
This sentence looks like it needs work.

Ch 38
"The one hundred millimeter grav gun..."
is described later as "One hundred centimeters in diameter..."

Ch 38
"..there was sunlight coming in from both directions in the firing area."
Two related comments: Is that line intended to mean that *over the course of the day* sunlight beats down, or *at that moment*? If at that moment, well, the sun can't be shining from two directions at once, *especially* before dawn!

Ch 41
"...we have over two thousand civilian casualties."
That seems kinda low.

Visions
"In the last _two weeks_ they had hammered the Posleen in the Rappahanock Pocket into gravy..."
that's a neat trick, since according the chapter timestamp, no more than three and a half *days* have passed since the first emergence! I think you want to use 'days' :)


Trivia:

Ch 2
"Normally on taking over a unit the incoming commander had the option of studying his _officer's_ open records - their 201 file as it they are called - and the _officers_ efficiency reports."
Slippery ground, here, but shouldn't they both be _officers'_?

Ch 4
"Those few of you who have previous combat experience, you are not ready for the Posleen. Those of you, most of you, who have never been in combat, you are not ready for the Posleen."
I would expect these two lines to have been reversed - start with the recruits, then tell the vets they're unready.

Ch 4
"Sergeant Ampele, his stolid _anti-thesis_?"
Should be 'antithesis'? No hyphen?

Ch 4
"...Mike suspected there was going to be bad blood between _he_ and Nightingale."
'him'???

Ch 5
"where the oppressed seemed to seek oppression over freedom and enemies were friends were enemies."
I'm not too clear on how the line should read.

Ch 6
"Do _tou_ have a problem with the chain of command, Mister President?"
'You'

Ch 6
"It would tear us apart as a country to fall back on the Appalachians and the Rockies, giving up all _themajor_ cities..."
Space.

Ch 12
"_At_ the heavens opened their sluice gates..."
'As' or 'At that,'?

Ch 13
"Since the Galactics did not recognize the difference between civilian activities and _activities most things military such as terminating sentient life_ required special permission."
'military activities, most things military, such as terminating sentient life,'?

Ch 13
"_Chrysler_ and GM..."
Didn't Chrysler sell off it's armor line a few years back? Or is this a new wartime action?

Ch 13
"...initial retreat to the _montain_ defenses"
'Mountain' or 'montaine'?

Ch 14
"...around her and she _nealy_ screamed..."
'Nearly'?

Ch 14
"Time to send another _heat_ round."
'HEAT'?

Ch 14
"But everybody in _His_ Majesty's bloody Fleet knows about her."
Expecting a change on the throne?

Ch 21
"_The_ had traveled..."
'They'?

Ch 21
"The world's greatest natural _touist_ trap ..."
'Tourist'

Ch 23
"She had one of the darkest tans Mike had ever seen in _her_ life..."
'His'?

Ch 23
"The _worse_ that would happen..."
'Worst'?

Ch 25
"Both _in-system_ and interplanetary ships were at a premium due to low production rates and war-losses."
'Intersystem'?

Ch 25
"Once you kick the Posties ass..."
I see you've decided to stick with 'Posties'!

Ch 25
"...the _Caribean_ drifting..."
'Caribbean'

Ch 25
"That meant the only people left, other than in Key West, _was_ the fishermen and their families."
'Were'?

Ch 26
"...awards that are on your _chest_."
'Chests'?

Ch 28
"Okay," said _Calley_, giving the woman a hug.
'Cally'

Ch 29
"quantum _tunneling_"
'tunnelling'

Ch 29
"First, _was_ slow and energy intensive, compared to the "valley" method."
'it was'?

Ch 29
"At _moment_ like this..."
'a moment' or more likely 'moments'

Ch 29
"...to discover that his number one rival _not only had_ fast hands in the backfield."
How about 'rival had fast hands not only in the backfield'?

Ch 29
"What is that bozo doing?" asked _on_ of..."
'One'

Ch 29
"There were balances in any life and on _the_ scale she..."
'that'?

Ch 29
"Earth is under a landing watch. This means that probability of landing in your area within the next four hours is high."
'Your area' is the entire world?? :)

Ch 29
"The _F-2000Space_ Falcon"
'2000 Space'

Ch 31
"He was trained and _read_."
'Ready'

Ch 32
"Civil and Dependent _Dffairs_"
'Affairs'

Ch 33
"...an hour per battalion to cycle them through _bean_ and bullets."
'beans'

Ch 33
"We will follow the _Reticulan_ Defense Plan to the letter..."
I thought it was decided that they *weren't* going to follow 'Redicuplan'?

Ch 33
"...on this most gloriously unpleasant afternoon?"
Chapter timestamp reads early evening, after sunset.

Ch 33
"And before _your_ leave..."
'You'

Ch 33
"...and I knew which one my dad would choose."
End close double quote?

Ch 35
"...fly with that much blood in his alcohol."
I assume you worded it this way as a joke.

Ch 36
"Kerman blanked for a moment _an_ how to answer the question."
'on'

Ch 38
"...cannons outboard and loaded _canister_."
as in canister shot, instead of simply 'canisters'?

Ch 38
"The gun gave a final, organic, quiver and fired one round."
Need the second comma?

Ch 38
"...and Main Turret D..."
A through D? Four main turrets?

Ch 38
"...PDC rounds..."
'Rounds'? It only fired once.

Ch 38
"Bimini Atoll"
or 'Bikini Atoll'?

Ch 38
"_Stenlanoral_ leaned forward and..."
'Sten'lonoral'?

Ch 39
"And their _family_ and loved ones..."
'families'?

Ch 41
"Gen. Olds didn't want them because _their_ on block leave, right?"
'they're'

Ch 41
"Americans leaned forward waiting for their fiery _new_ chief executive to continue..."
Missed that one? You can just remove 'new'

Ch 41
"The _lamprey_ loomed..."
'Lamprey'?

Ch 41
"...send these _transmission_ with..."
'transmissions'

Ch 45
"...befitting a Fortune five hundred company."
'Fortune Five Hundred'?

Ch 45
"The joke went that if you used up two boxes..."
Should this start a new paragraph?

Ch 46
"...Civil War era _"Minie"_ balls..."
'Minnie'?

Ch 46
"...and the resultant firepower _was exceeded_ the artillery of three divisions..."
Only 'exceeded'?

Ch 46
"_He_ had previously ensured..."
Might want to specify Cpt. Brantley since you had the aside for the 'Reaver'

Ch 46
"...authentication _victor_, over."
'Victor'?

Ch 50
"...battles of World _War_ One and Two..."
'Wars'?

Ch 50
"Anybody in _Walther_ Abrahamson's way..."
'Walter'

Ch 53
"The man was the Compleate _sociopath_."
'Sociopath'?

Ch 55
"Despite that Europe had lost twelve..."
'Despite that, Europe'?

Ch 55
"_AID_, cross-link this to General Horner."
Not 'Shelly'?

Ch 61
"The Tennessee Volunteers had thus far failed to."
Failed to what...? :)

Ch 63
"Whatever mistakes he might have made, however, bad it had been and would be,"
'...made, however bad it had been and would be,'?

Ch 64
"i think this is all the farther i'm gonna go."
'I think this is all the farther I'm gonna go.'

Ch 66
"Do _you're_ President proud."
'your'?

Ch 67
You repeatedly say the "WPPA", but call it the "West Point Protective Society" Right initials?

Ch 67
"...washington monument mound..."
'Washington Monument mound'

Ch 69
"Keren stepped nearly _to_ the spinning treads."
'into'? 'onto'?

Visions
Or so they said."
and open double-quote at the start?

General commentary, or Comments From the Peanut Gallery):

Ch 1
"...reaffirmation of alliance..."
I still think that some idle speculation from the Navy or a Marine that Roger might be going to Leviathan as a bridge to plot with New Madrid against the Empress might be in order. Perhaps by Kosutic with O'Casey during their shuttle conversation. A red herring, since an alliance needing reaffirmation could be ripe for sundering. Just a thought.

Ch 1
"..up to every last centimeter of his one hundred ninety-five.."
David really likes them big. What's with him and his Amazons? Pahner is that size, too!

Ch 1
"Until then we stay the course."
You know, ever since Pres. Reagan misused that phrase I've absolutely hated hearing it. (Sorry... had to say that.)

Ch 2
"...their fully functional and loaded bead rifles..."
Is that level of detail needed for the shipboard inspection? I think you want to show that they're not wind-up toys for a cerimonial guard, but this seems a touch odd to me.

Ch 2
"...over-bred pansy..."
John, tell us what they *really* think!

Ch 2
"flatland phobia"
Is that a Niven rip?

Ch 2
"...Bronze Barbarians."
I take it that Matsugae isn't too wild about the Marines, either.

Ch 2
"...have to _shoe horn_ into..."
Does a 400+ meter diameter ship really have that much of a press for space, even taking into account the volume of the engineering spaces?

Ch 2
"...the record for endurance: ninety-three hours at attention without eating, drinking, sleeping or going to the bathroom."
That's gotta hurt more than Pvt. Buckley's ex-hand!

Ch 2
"The valet stared back at her like a mouse confronting a cat."
Is this the source of his nickname from the Marines, or does Matsugea mean 'mouse' or something similar?

Ch 2
"With another frozen smile he turned to O'Neal. "Has the rest of the staff gone ahead to Leviathan to prepare for the Prince's arrival, Ms. O'Neal?"
Have we transposed universes here? Two instances of calling O'Casey O'Neal.

Ch 2A
"...it's close enough to both Raiden-Winterhowe and the Saints..."
Leviathan is on the frontier. Why are two powerful, obviously well established polities on the edge of known space?

Ch 2A
"The burst five-millimeter steel-coated glass-cored beads..."
Later you describe them as aluminum-coated. Al probably isn't magnetic enough to accelerate.

Ch 2A
"...less than an eighth of a second..."
I was going to ask 'just how long was this corridor?' when on reread realized it was 1/8th sec from his first inkling of trouble, not from the time of firing.

Ch 2A
"...this one was no exception."
Pressure loss compromised the lock?

Ch 3
"...and kill Pahner with it."
Paranoia isn't just for Marines, eh?

Ch 3
"...it rains five times a day."
Is that realistic? Even with such high average relative humidity?

Ch 4
"I mean, the cruiser had to be dropped off by a carrier, right? And it has collapsed armor and even more missiles than we do. Right?"
And wonder-boy graduated from the Naval Acadamy?

Ch 7
"He obviously wasn't sure if he could get along without his verbal comma."
I like the color that line adds!

Ch 9
"...the other cruiser has already broken orbit..."
I know that this was from our late-night astrographics class, but the second cruiser was in *Marduk* orbit with the carrier??? That doesn't explain DeGlopper's course change into her when she drops the shuttles.

Ch 10
"We must limit our use of resources in every way we can."
How can these people have conquered *anyone*, even fringe worlds, with that attitude? Warfare is far from resource conservative. BTW, where are they getting their ships? The 'waste' resourses on the infrastructure to build a credible navy?

Ch 10
"Best backscratcher ever created."
Nice bit.

Ch 10
"Is he... conspiring against the Empress?"
This would be an interesting place for Kosutic to suggest - to the reader - Leviathan for a backchannel to New Madrid

Ch 10 - mk II
"The Korean was surprisingly well versed on current men's fashions."
I'm not real wild about the gay fashion-bug characterization.

Ch 12
"Tactical had held the fourth and Nav the fifth."
Five keys to initiate the self-destruct? What if one is lost or destroyed due to battle damage? You're screwed!

Ch 12
"...after receiving the surrender transmission..."
Is this against the 'rules' of 'civilzed warfare'?

Ch 12
"...It didn't even end up in the plus or minus of the calculation."
'less than the margin of error in the fuel gages'?

Ch 12
"...But it takes four years to fill a shuttle tank..."
And what powers the hydrogen cracker for those four years?

Ch 30
"The magazine contained deuterium pellets..."
Deuterium pellets? In what form? *solid hydrogen*??? Lithium-deuteride?

Ch 30
"...packet of deuterium was lased..."
Well, IIRC, the deuterium doesn't lase. Something else lases and illumates the pellet. Picky, picky!

Ch 30
"Roger replaced the empty box of ammunition slung over his shoulder..."
What empty box of ammunition?

Ch 31
"...as soon as it could be obtained."
What? They couldn't get anything at Q'nkok?

Ch 34
"Three hundred pushups,"
Be mean, make them situps!

Ch 40
"SUCK ON THIS YOU BARBARIAN BASTARDS! VOITAN IS BACK!"
'..is back!' sounds too human.

Ch 41
"In the three weeks of rest as the company recovered,..."
How much time, total, at this point?


Moderate Questions:

Ch 1
'Alexandra VII'
The seventh? Just how long ago were the _Dagger Years_ and were all the monarchs Empress Alexandra XX?

Ch 1
"Leviathan is a focal planet in the [[something something]] sector..."
Still haven't filled in that blank, eh?

Ch 2
"...Recondo training..."
what training?

Ch 2
"...this goddamn tramp freighter?"
Why *are* they on an assault tender, anyway? Mom's idea of protecting him? Or low key transport?

Ch 2
"///I think that Roger should have a stock phrase; this idn't itJ . I usually go through and do a rough copy then fill in mannerisms and additional "sensory" description later.///"
Are you ready to pull this note?

Ch 2A
"...she practically scintillated with pleasure."
This is the same person whose is quietly screaming within?

Ch 5
"...several hundred amps of power..."
Amps is current and power is in watts. How about 'amps of live current'?

Ch 6
"Thank Vlad..."
huh?

Ch 6
"The resident _autocthons_..."
huh?

Ch 7
"...between fifty and sixty kilos per person."
You were a ground pounder, right? Is that a realistic load over a long crosscountry march?

Ch 8
"...from the shuttle's bridge."
Wouldn't we have a 'flight deck' or 'command deck/station' on a small craft?

Ch 8
"...400 meter radius sphere..."
An 'almost max-hull' ship is two-thirds of maximum beam?

Ch 8
"...room for six shuttles..."
Didn't they land with 4?

Ch 8
"...sucked off course by active and inactive decoys."
'passive'? Inactive sounds too inert, ineffective!

Ch 10
"We'll stay at the outside of the powered missile range..."
And what? Use ballistic strikes? Even laimed, DeGlopper can still maneuver.

Ch 10 - the second Ch 10!
"...and we have a _cruiser_ and..."
I thought it was the cruiser *carrier*?

Ch 10 - the second, which replaced Ch 11!
"Prepare for course change."
Course change? They're decelling toward the rock, the Saint is coming out *from* the rock. Why the course change to meet? If the Saint *wasn't* in Marduk orbit, then it can make sense.

Ch 10 - mk II
"...There's the course change." "Prepare for separation. Five minutes,"
They dropped the shuttles *after* the course change? Not before?

Ch 10 - mk II
"...was probably not a good idea."
What? Roger having an attack of common sense? Say it ain't so!

Ch 12
"...gold and silver were easily available through orbital mining..."
'as a major component of the slag/till from orbital mining'??

Ch 14
"The temperature was at least 35 degrees Standard; nearly 120 degrees in the antiquated Farenheit scale..."
You sure???? I think it's only 95F. Check all your temps!!!

Ch 14
"...Lance Corporal Lisazez..."
Check spelling? Liszez, elsewhere.

Ch 14
"...with their _chameleon_ blankets..."
'thermalized chameleon blankets' perhaps?

Ch 14
"The handspan long cartridges would eventually cover the chameleon cloth harness..."
Am I gonna have to ask what each of these weigh? And how many cartridges it takes to 'cover' him? :)

Ch 17
"These are at all the arteries..."
How likely will an alien vampire be able to find mammillian arteries? Awfully good targetting.

Ch 18
"The temperature was over 32 degrees, 115 Fahrenheit."
Well, 32C is only 90F

Ch 20
"Thank you, _Kostas_."
Want to check your spelling? It *was* 'Kostos'

Ch 20
"...this isn't an Imperial world..."
But it is! They say so at the beginning, if only that the Empire merely planted the flag to lay in a claim.

Ch 20
"In my father's day we__But as the town has grown,..."
Huh?

Ch 20
"But if we attack _the town_, without warning,..."
You might want to specify Q'nkok, just to be certain the readers have their towns straight. Who's being defended and who's being attacked.

Ch 24
"...with a nanometer of visual receiver."
Wouldn't that be too small for optical? :)

Ch 24
"...counted the slices of Juicyfruit."
That brand survives into the 34th century?

Ch 25
"The region was a raw material supplier and gems."
How about 'The region was a supplier of raw minerals/materials and gems.'??

Ch 29
"...on the planet a couple of weeks..."
Just how long have they been in-country? How long to Cord's village? How long to Q'nkok? How long *in* Q'nkok?

Ch 30
"...waiting to attack Q'Nkok."
You usually don't capitalize the 'N'

Ch 30
"...where she had been sleeping..."
When, where and *how* did Roger decide Dogzard was a _she_?

Ch 32
"Son, I'm seventy-two," the captain said.
Remember to toss out something on the stae of longevity.

Ch 36
"JULIAN?" yelled Pahner from his perch on the
On the what?

Ch 36
The big Asgardian had...
Asgard vs. Agardian?

Ch 36
"...they were an older and more robust design..."
The M-105s are older than the M-98s?

Ch 37
"People that until _last week_ you didn't..."
Figure of speech or am I missing something on the duration in country?

Ch 41
"...scratched at the growing bulb of regenerating tissue."
They can regen arms, but not eyes?

Ch 42
"...thrusting up from the underlying road metal."
Huh?

Ch 42
"...planted with the tall "kate" trees."
Have you already introduced these?

Ch 42
"The Kranolta' were defeated by us and the forces of _Q'nkok_ in a terrible battle."
Shouldn't that read 'New Voitan'??

Ch 42
"Welcome, welcome, His Royal Highness, Prince Roger Ramius Sergei Alexander Chiang MacClintock, to the land of Marshad..."
They pick up the hideously large human name pretty quickly.

Ch 42
"...Emperor of Vale of Mars..."
'Mars'? Is that a translation artifact for 'warlord' or something?

Ch 43
"We've been dealing with Mardukans for a month now," said Roger. "Hell, longer."
Surely it's been longer than a month, no?

Ch 43
"Dianda. Everywhere you look you see this flax-silk."
How did O'Casey know that was the finished product?

Ch 43
"Look at the slums we passed through on the way up." "That is why," said Roger, quietly.
Suddenly Roger is Machiavelli?

Ch 43
"We shall rule the world!"
Mighty grandiose, this queen.

Ch 44
"Roger," said the commander, glancing at Despreaux.
Wrong rank, or generic term?

Ch 44
"All right, O King, what is your plan?" asked Roger. He transmitted a ...
A what?

Ch 45
"Not really," said Tratan. "I didn't want you to be distracted trying to decide what to draw."
I like that bit.


Trivial, or "high heals", issues (Mr. Homonym strikes again!):

Ch 1
"...a bordello _then_ a meeting..."
'than', no doubt

Ch 1
"...and his _butt length_ golden mane..."
'butt-length'?

Ch 1
"...hand stitching."
'hand-stitching'?

Ch 1
"...two such august presence's?"
'presences'?

Ch 1
"...a few moments more _than_ waggled..."
'then'?

Ch 2
"...have to _shoe horn_ into..."
'shoehorn'?

Ch 2
"...the tiny cabin seemed _to_ small to..."
'too'

Ch 2
"...enough space to _breath_!"
'breathe'

Ch 2A
"The _burst_ five-millimeter..."
'burst of'?

Ch 2A
"Without a _shape_ charge..."
'shaped'?

Ch 3
"...filled with data _that_, in..."
'that was'?

Ch 4
"Problems _solve_, crisis resolved, danger past."
'solved'?

Ch 4
"_Unknown_ who they are, sir."
'Unknown is'?

Ch 4
"_Probably_, sir."
'Possibly'?

Ch 4
"With the _pulse_ drive..."
'phase'? Or can you use phase- and pulse-drive interchangeably?

Ch 5
"...South-East Asian Dragon _wars_."
'Wars'?

Ch 5
"_The_ Sgt. Koberda touched..."
'Then'?

Ch 5
"...HMS Freedom, but _their_ not."
'they're'

Ch 5
"As he said, Your Highess, _your_ not in his chain of command,"
'you're'

Ch 6
"...which were _inturn_ wider..."
'in turn'

Ch 6
"...negative _effedt_ on electronics..."
'effect'

Ch 6
"...I've got one _custome_ designed..."
'custom'

Ch 7
"...what _you gots_ to carry..."
'you've got'? Or colloquialism?

Ch 8
"...it was no place for a _claustrophobic_."
A toss-up with 'claustrophobe'?

Ch 10
"...shoved the next Marine in line, _past_ on the word..."
'passed'

Ch 10 - mk II
"...a hit to a magazine _was_ usually the death knell..."
'was still'??

Ch 10 - mk II
"...a _few_ gravities..."
'few more' or 'few extra'?

Ch 10 - mk II
"...injector around _her_ somewhere..."
'here'?

Ch 10 - mk II
"I don't _thing_ we..."
'think'?

Ch 14
"...nearly 120 degrees _in_ the antiquated Farenheit scale..."
'on'?

Ch 14
"The _handspan long_ cartridges..."
'handspan-long'??

Ch 15
"It's _a_ herbivore."
'an'? I know it depends on how you pronounce 'herbivore'. Just checking.

Ch 17
"...it _would_ a lesser ring of Hell."
'would be'?

Ch 18
"...it became _to_ marshy..."
'too'

Ch 18 - mk II
"...I should _got_ to the.."
'go'

Ch 18 - mk II
"...cut and _reinforces_ with..."
'reinforced'

Ch 18 - mk II
"_It around it_..."
'Around it'??

Ch 19
"...directly under the body like a _mammal_."
Perhaps 'terrestrial mammal'?

Ch 19
"...Cord said, _overridign_ the..."
'overriding'

Ch 20
"...all the _usually thing_."
'usual things'?

Ch 20
"...then _drowning_ the..."
'downing'?

Ch 20
"...you performed _and_ action..."
'an'

Ch 20
"...They were _in deed_ designed..."
'indeed'

Ch 21
"...cultivation of _barley rice_ took..."
You usually write 'barleyrice'

Ch 21
"...no _Mardukan weapon known_ could damage..."
'known Mardukan weapon'?

Ch 22
"...was a _fair_ tale place."
'fairy'

Ch 22
"...and irrigation ditches _echoes_ it."
'echoed'

Ch 23
"...as an _oratical_ instrument."
'oratorical'???

Ch 24
"_He_ is going to be leaving for good when the humans leave; _he_ is asi to the human leader now."
John? It's just the ladies, here. Shouldn't those be 'she'? Or is that an artifact of the human's eavesdropping?

Ch 25
"_You're_ quest for fabled Voitan."
'Your'

Ch 26
"...their _broad headed_ spears..."
'broad-headed'?

Ch 26
"...had _beat_ a hasty..."
'beaten'??

Ch 26
"...followed us _where ever_ we went!"
'wherever'?

Ch 27
"...'technical _mean_.'..."
'means'?

Ch 28
"...penetrate _chromsten_ armor..."
'Chrom-Sten'??

Ch 29
"...he had known _to_ many consummate..."
'too'

Ch 30
"He usually _road_ the..."
'rode'

Ch 30
"...I was just shook. _Their_ so..."
'They're'

Ch 30
"...get out of the _beasts_ way."
'beast's'

Ch 32
"And you thought it was just _a_ habit,"
'a bad'??

Ch 33
"...was killed in the _ambush_ and now..."
'initial ambush'?

Ch 33
"...It obviously was _at_ home in..."
'as at'??

Ch 33
Shit!" he tore the helmet off..."
Starting double quote.

Ch 34
"...his face grey _light_ of pre-dawn,..."
'in the light'?

Ch 34
"...found himself looking _a_ the sergeant major,..."
'at'?

Ch 34
"_Marines_ sharpshooters were scattered..."
'Marine'?

Ch 35
"We have found the nest of the _basik_ outlanders!"
Italics?

Ch 35
"Let the young fool say _his_ piece."
'her'??

Ch 35
"Let the young fool say his _piece_."
'peace'??

Ch 35
"...Danal Far raised _his_ Spear of Honor..."
'her'?

Ch 35
"...the loss of _Vum_ Dee proves..."
Previously you use 'Vun', from here on out you use 'Vum'

Ch 35
"Puvin Shee _who lead the was first_ over the walls..."
'who lead the first' or 'was first'?

Ch 35
"The _experience_ Marine..."
'experienced'?

Ch 35
"...slapped on the leg by Sgt. _Hin_."
'Jin'??

Ch 36
"...through the _heals_ of his..."
'heels' You like this word, don'cha?

Ch 36
"...Roger went _hairing_ off,"
'haring'?

Ch 36
"...won handily in _ever_ match."
'every'

Ch 37
"...that the _gunner_ sergeant found..."
'gunnery'

Ch 37
"Corporal _Chasset_ was..."
Check spelling, you use 'Casset', too.

Ch 37
"Certainly," said Pahner with a smile. "Your _Highess_."
'Highness'

Ch 37
"...think that _he_ cause of..."
'the'

Ch 37
"Neither do I, Your _Highess_. Neither do I."
'Highness'

Ch 38
"Don't sweat it, Your _Highess_,"
'Highness' do a search it happens *a lot* more!!!

Ch 38
"_Defences_ like this..."
'Defenses'

Ch 39
"...the two hundred _yard_ aiming stakes..."
'meter'?

Ch 39
"_Moral_ is to the physical..."
'Morale'?

Ch 40
"...just discern _thedistant_ army..."
'the distant'

Ch 41
"The _litte_ chief of staff..."
'little'

Ch 42
"...from Voitan had not _be_ terrible."
'been'? 'been too'?

Ch 42
appeared to be something like a tinker. "
No end double-quote?

Ch 42
"There _was_ signs..."
'were'?

Ch 42
"The ruler of the _city state_ was..."
'city-state'?

Ch 42
"...seen that _woe_ any..."
'wore'

Ch 42
"...now much _travel stained_..."
'travel-stained'?

Ch 42
"...the faint blood-stain _hwere_ the..."
'where'

Ch 42
"_With_ a thought she dumped the patch..."
'Without'?

Ch 44
"We could take _the_ if it dropped..."
'them'?

Ch 45
"How are they _'unterriforming'_ those worlds?
'unterraforming'? - and again two paras later.

Ch 45
"He had noticed the problem _shortly_ the brief demonstration..."
'shortly after'?

Ch 46
"that we should _call_ get ready to..."
'all'?

Ch 46
"So, you _stil_ haven't mentioned the plan."
'still'

Ch 46
"...you must destroy the House of Radj or miss your _rendesvous_."
'rendezvous'

OK, here's the List Mk II:

Other than some general commentary that finding a local guide so quickly was awfully convenient, that their hardware makes communications too readily available, and that the Mardukan's really seem rather too human, not much else to add!


General commentary, or Comments From the Peanut Gallery):

Ch 46
"...I will follow you to hell to spit on your burning soul."
Would the alien have the cultural referents to make that a viable threat?

Ch 47
"You just said 'I sneeze you in the name of The Idiots.'"
Oh, cuuttteeee!

Ch 51
"I've heard the expression before, but I never thought I'd do it."
Nice, oblique way of mentioning it!

Ch 53
Cord describes the flar-ka and flar-te, then a few paras later, they get switched around.
Is this another gender thing?

Ch 54
Second, there was a large pistol or small carbine stuck in a holster on the saddle.
I was wondering when they'd hit a firearmed state.

Ch 54
"With your incognito band of bodyguards?"
Sounds like a nod to Gustav Adolphus.


Moderate Questions:

Ch 47
"He coughed slightly acknowledging that he had heard the NCO."
Shouldn't this read 'He', bith times, since it's from Denat's perspective?

Ch 49
"The guards at the bridge were using lanterns which would destroy their night vision..."
This is the first time you've hinted at this. It is the case for humans, so I assume, since it's from a Mardukan perspective, Denat should know.

Ch 50
"Mornin' Marines," said Roger. "I thought you should understand something before we started the ball.
This paragraph (and the next few) are dialog that do not end in close double quotes.

Ch 51
"Oh, I don't know," opined Mutabi. "It could be worse."
Wasn't Mutabi back with the plasma cannon?

Ch 57
"...when the _Vasin_ slipped through the gates."
First time you mention the clan name.


Trivial, or "high heals", issues (Mr. Homonym strikes again!):

Ch 46
"...free up a few constraints in _Mashad_."
'Marshad'

Ch 46
"Because _it_ this goes wrong..."
'if'

Ch 47
"_No where_ had he seen a sign..."
'Nowhere'

Ch 47
"...a figure _immerged_ from..."
'emmerged'

Ch 47
"...the heavy sack she carried _agains_ the wall."
'against'

Ch 47
"...then the little _female_ continued on..."
'male'

Ch 47
"Besides _his_ guide..."
'her'

Ch 47
"The _difference_ in Mardukan anatomy..."
'differences'?

Ch 50
"...in front of the visitor's _quarter_..."
'quarters', if you mean the rooms/building or 'stay with 'quarter' if you mean section of the palace.

Ch 50
"...making sure that their rucksacks _road_ well..."
'rode'

Ch 50
"...and getting their mission _face_ on."
'faces'

Ch 50
"The plasma charge _was traveled_ at nearly the speed of light..."
'travelled' or 'was travelling'?

Ch 52
"Denat, you lazy bum. You just _wanted to walk_."
'wanted to ride'? Or 'didn't want to walk'?

Ch 53
"She smiled at him as _growns_ sounded across the camp."
'groans'

Ch 53
"...it was just _to_ hot in the morning to drink coffee."
'too'

Ch 53
"Something like seventy-three or seventy-three Farenheit,"
73 or 74?

Ch 53
"Some of you _guy_, 'help' the doc."
'guys'

Ch 53
"Dust _particle_ from the glacier..."
'particles'

Ch 53
"The broad, U shaped valley at their feet was clearly _glacial_ shaped..."
'glacially'

Ch 53
"Maybe _the chew_ tobacco down there."
'there's chew' or 'there's chewing'

Ch 53
"...rolled twice more as _the_ stampeded past..."
'they' or 'it' or 'the beast'?

Ch 53
"The _experience_ commander knew a moment of despair."
'experienced'

Ch 53
"As one of the giant herbivores would charge_ massed fire from the Marines..."
'comma'?

Ch 53
"_Their_ a ton of mean is what they are,"
'They're'

Ch 54
"...gesturing for _her_ to accompany her."
Wouldn't O'Casey think 'him'?

Ch 55
"...pounded with _monsoon like_ downpours."
'monsoon-like'?

Ch 55
"...the humans had been able to _bath_ on a daily basis..."
'bathe'?

Ch 55
"Protocol satisfied_ the three beasts..."
'comma'?

Ch 55
"Otherwise _you're_ horns would be over my fireplace."
'your'

Ch 56
"...on his open _bivvy_ tent."
I think you spelled it 'bivy' earlier.

Ch 57
"Nocent Kral _started up at_ the light in her face..."
'stared up at' or 'started at'?

Ch 57
"...but if we get out of _her_ alive..."
'here'

Ch 57
"...we don't want him getting _to_ creative..."
'too'

OK, here's the latest. These comments are intended to be a touch on the tongue-in-cheek side (just for the benefit of anyone reading over your shoulder, John!).

I'm not going to have much to say on the pre- Rin-Tai portions, since you hadn't gotten to correcting those in grater detail.


General commentary, or Comments From the Peanut Gallery):

Oh, yeah... I think I mentioned this in an email a while back: it looks like you did a search & replace on 'Cpt'/'Captain', unfotunaely, all the 'Cpt.'s resulted in 'Captain.'s

Ch 4
""So the ship blasts the cruisers," said Prince Roger"
\At the point Roger makes this remark, the second parasite hasn't appeared.

Ch 5
"When we're down, if we have enough fuel to go a couple of miles we'll be lucky."
'Miles'? Like the later ref. to '200 yard stakes', metric seems the way to go. :)

Ch 17
"Of course, for any scummies exiled to the valley it would a lesser ring of Hell."
The use of the term 'exiled' seems like (with 20/20 hindsight) a too-pointed bit of foreshadowing. It's a coin-toss.

Ch 20
"A universal anti-fungal cream seemed to work and did not cause negative side effects. The cream was one of the few regenerating systems that they had available; the fungicide was produced by yeast in an auger jelly. The gel could be replaced with sterilized meat broth so it was one of the few medicine with which he could be somewhat spendthrift."
I like this addition. Covers a multitude of trivial 'asprin-level' maladies.

Ch 25
"Just another legacy of illegal gene engineering."
Seems like a too-close parallel to DW's Wintons, but it explains his proficiency with the Assassin Program.

Ch 30
"...Cord called an atul and the company just called a damnbeast."
Wasn't the 'damnbeast' already described in the Fodor's as something else?

Ch 39
"...the standard 10mm, ceramic cored, aluminum coated beads..."
Are the rifles mag-driven? Shouldn't this be steel? The pistol, Lt. Guha uses had steel-coated beads. :)

Ch 43
"The Kranolta' were defeated by us and the forces of _Q'nkok_ in a terrible battle."
Shouldn't that be 'T'an'k'tass'? Or maybe 'New Voitan'?

Ch 44
""All right, O King, what is your plan?" asked Roger. He transmitted a"
'He transmitted a...' Change your mind, here? :)

Ch 47
"Kosutic was sorely tempted to ask why Voitan women seemed to be the only ones with any freedom but decided it was a side issue."
Is that why the other many city states sat out the fall of Voitan? Their 'women' were too free?

Ch 50
"He dug the star flare out of his cargo pocket and prepared it..."
Why resort to flares when they have a monopoly on radio? Even Denat has one.

Ch 53
"The stampede hit like a meat and bone avalanche."
That's an interesting image!

Ch 63
"At that point, things... devolved."
I like how you put that.

Ch 63
"Harvesting the bounty of the forests was one of the ways the individual troopers made their drinking money so patrols had become a privilege rather than a task."
I like that. Keeps the troops from resenting scouting duties - "Not scout duty again?" - and explains most of their pocket money.

Ch 65
"...followed by elation that she might have actually killed the sadist shrimp..."
I love it! Exactly the type of thought that coumes to mind! :) ('Sadist shrimp'!)

Ch 66
""What's running?" Roger asked, watching the dancing hedgehogs on the tiny screen of the handheld."
You've seen the 'Hamster Dance", I take it? :)

Ch 70
"Okay," Pahner agreed. "Give him thirty pieces of silver."
Surely, the Mardukan would have no referants for that line. Or was it intended to be cryptic for the local, but understood by the reader?

Ch 76
""What are they?" asked Tor Flain. "Or is that a taboo subject as well?""
I'm surprised that the first time a Mardukan is this curious about human physiology is this late in the book.

Ch 77
""Our device translated that as 'persuaded,'" said the chief of staff..."
Subtleties of translation, I like that. Wish we'd see more! :)

Ch 78
"And you will sure as farts burn."
At least Poertena is getting in a few mighty colorful lines! It's been a while, for him.

Ch 83
""K'vaern's Cove is not Therdan," Kntz De'n argued."
These barb names are gettin' to be a mouthful!

Ch 83+1
"A paper cartridge, a paper cylinder with a ball in one end..."
I don't recall any previous mention of local paper.

Ch 83+7
"If you go talk to Colonel Tram or General Kar for a moment then come back and look really relaxed it would help."
Sounds like the scene in Gust Front with the mortar team. :)

Ch 83+7
"Hey, Fain, how they hangin'?"
I think we have some physiology... issues! :)

Ch 83+7
"And never let 'em see you slime."
I *love* the transliteration, but I never had the impression that the slimed due to emotional state.

Ch 83+8
"But send a team of Guards. With a watch."
They have watches? Which implies really fine mechanical movements.

Ch 83+10
"Roger groaned. "Roger. Take that however you prefer.""
He even has a sense of humor, too! :) Well, he's shown it before, but this seemed to stand out more.

Ch 83+11
"Most of the trees had been used in the defenses but a few large logs were scattered along the treeline as if left behind in the hurry to complete the walls."
That's evil! Leaving then handy rams to invite them in!

Ch 83+12
"...and our honorable loot!"
I think this is a first, John. I've never heard anyone say it like that! :)


Moderate Questions:

Ch 2A
"The "toots" were still cutting edge and being constantly refined. "
You've implied that the technology is as much as 400 years old. I suppose that they'd always be bound to be 'cutting edge', but the phrase bugs me a touch. (Minor point.)

Ch 47
"He coughed slightly acknowledging that he had heard the NCO."
Shouldn't this read 'He', bith times, since it's from Denat's perspective?

Ch 57
"But we searched every mine, as far as we could with the water, every hut."
Didn't an earlier version have a ref. to the pumps no longer running during the conversaion with the mine owner? I can't hunt it down.

Ch 57
"Which made the three throbbing pumps snaked into this particular abandoned mine shaft peculiar."
Throbbing pumps, sound like _powered_ pumps. How are they driven?

Ch 59
"...while Berntsen and Pickels serviced the cannon..."
'Pickels'? You have a 'Stickels' *and* a 'Pickels'? :)

Ch 59
"She was one of those incredibly rare and gifted Mardukans that were quad dexterous..."
'Quad dextrous' I take it that is is more finely controlled than the earlier examples of using the false-hands to climb ladders or hold blocking daggars?

Ch 60
"...aiming for the bellies and _gonads_."
Hmmm... How do I put this? We're dealing with the females here.

Ch 61
"...to see how many of the women and children survived."
Still having gender fallout. :)

Ch 61
"You got anyt'ing more for me, sir?" asked Poertena.
"No, Corp, thanks for your time," said the prince.
"It's private, Your Highness," said the Pinopan. "But thanks."
Well... let's see: on DeGlopper, armoring up the prince, he was a sergeant. In the boat bay, arguing with Julian, he was a Lance Corporal, and now he's a private? Every time you mention his rank, he's been demoted! :) (Of course, you just made him a corp again!)

Ch 62
"...they very rarely have major territorial competitions."
That's news. It seems like all the city-states at mostly at their neighbor's throats, the jungle dwellers hate the encroachment of the city-states, and the barb-hordes hate everyboby! But it's not territorial competition?

Ch 68
"...out the storms of the Garmon Seas."
I thought the seas were unnamed? Or was that just because the locals on the far side of the mountains didn't know about/care about them?

Ch 69
"He finged the baggies of capacitors nervously."
Capacitors? The armor had trouble with the contact points, but the plasma guns had the capacitor problems. This sounds like it's an armor problem.

Ch 71
"I am Rastar Komas Ta'Nortan, Prince of Herdan. King, I suppose now."
Soon to be 'Herdan XXIV, Emperor of Mankind, Warlord, Defender of the 5000 Suns, Prince of Bia...' :) Actually, you have other references to 'Therdan', typo?

Ch 72
"I greet you, Prince MacClintock, in the name of the _Despot_ of K'Vaern's Cove..."
"For K'vaern's Cove is not ruled by an oligarchy, as Bastar. It is not ruled by a priest, as Diaspra. It is _not_ ruled by a _despot_, as Sindi."
OK, which is it??

Ch 73
"It was the first place that extensive use had been made of pastels."
What about the Army of God from Diaspra? Their armor/unit colors were pastels, weren't they?

Ch 73
"While he intended to make sure he never made the mistake he had with Cpl. Reneb, he wasn't sure that refraining was the right answer anymore."
Two issues:
Shouldn't it be Cpl. Beckley?
Now, with the edits to the party, he *hasn't* made that mistake! (Sounds like an artifact.)

Ch 77
"...to rebuild it and _stay the course_?"
I just *have* to confirm that this bastardization of the phrase is wrong. :)

Ch 77
"The chief executive, strictly limited by the charter," said Matsugae. "_Theiran_ Five?"
"Yep," answered the chief of staff, taking an unthinking bite of limp vegetables. "But, in general, societies like that are lousy in war. _Theirdan_ Five was a special case of a homogenous militaristic agrarian society.
One's a typo - which? :)

Ch 79
"...kicked the club singer in the _balls_."
Now, correct me if I'm wrong (and I know you will!), but you do have more background data that I do, but... do their females have that particular feature? O:)

Ch 80
"..., already had quite the career in the __ before her posting..."
Sounds like you left a blank to fill in later. :)

Ch 82
"Act like you've got a pair!"
Here we go again. I just bet you're going to have all sorts of fun ironing these out! :)

Ch 83
"...Marine Lurps..."
'LURPS', you used the term earlier. I gather that it refers to some sort of long range, unsupported recon group?

Ch 83+9
"We need to retreat sharpish, though."
'Sharpish'??

Ch 83+10
"I'll go, I'll go. I don't want to be laid out with a plank."
Is this one of those 'open secrets' that everyone but the cav knows about? :)

Ch 83+10
"..level K'vaern's Cove to the very _earth_ and sow..."
'Earth', even when used this way, really doesn't sound like the term to use. Maybe it's just me. :)

Ch 83+10
"We will follow you to the ends of the earth to destroy you!"
Ditto. :)

Ch 83+10
""Live long and prosper you fuckhead," he whispered."
I like the use of the phrase, but how likely is that tolast until the 34th century?


Trivial, or "high heals", issues (Mr. Homonym strikes again!):

Ch 20
"...one of the few _medicine_ with which he could be somewhat spendthrift."
'medicines'?

Ch 20
"They were _in deed_ designed to be pegged down..."
'indeed'?

Ch 20
"_In my father's day we_ But as the town..."
Sounds like a misedit from two sentences previous.

Ch 20
"We were more numerous and more fierce _that_ the Dutak..."
'than'? Sounds like the type of go-back-and-edit mistake I always make.

Ch 21
"...more towards Cord and the sons of Delkra that had accompanied them _that_ at the humans..."
'than'?

Ch 21
"The poorly graded road was about ten meters wide and _borthered_ by high dikes..."
'bordered'? This happens a lot. Like I said in email once, it looks like the result of a search & replace gone overboard. :) 'wandered', 'bordered' and at least one other word was mutated like this as well.

Ch 22
"...under the primary moon, was a _fair_ tale place."
'fairy'?

Ch 24
"It has been Cord restraining _his brother_ all along."
'her sister'? You still have a pile of gender continuity issues and the new scene where Doc Dobrescu announces his discovery makes it _worse_ keeping proper reference, when they 'know' they have a mix up. Have fun! :)

Ch 26
"_Kobert'e_ looked up from the heavily spiced stew..."
'Koberda' This looks like another search & replace snafu. Later we have "dianda" and "diant'e" and I wasn't sure if they were the same or not, but then I came across "propagant'e" which seems to be a bastardization of "propaganda". :)

Ch 26
"_They_ was blocking and thrusting..."
'There'?

Ch 29
"...he had known _to_ many consummate..."
'too'

Ch 29
"He usually _road_ the unencumbered packbeast..."
'rode'

Ch 30
"_The nex_ sniffed the air..."
'He next' or what?

Ch 30
"...with the sight of a scummy scrambling to get out of the _beasts_ way."
'beasts'' ?

Ch 33
"I would never _betrayed_ the confidence of a lady."
'betray'?

Ch 33
"The striped head of the ___ lifted as it sniffed the air and hissed."
The what? 'dog-lizard'?

Ch 36
"...reduce it _to one_ at a time."
'to one, one...'? Or something similar?

Ch 36
"I am far _to_ enraged..."
'too'

Ch 36
"So far Roger had won handily in _ever_ match."
'every'

Ch 37
"He's an _experience_ NCO..."
'experienced'

Ch 37
"I don't think that _he_ cause of civilization is advanced..."
'the'

Ch 38
"Poertena found the fault, which is a mold eating the _contacts_ coating of..."
'contacts''?

Ch 39
"...close enough to the two hundred _yard_ aiming stakes..."
'meter' I take it you hadn't done my last batch! :)

Ch 42
"_I_ could be either."
'It'?

Ch 45
"Only one because _it_ you eat more you will probably get sick."
'if'?

Ch 45
"How are they '_unterriforming_' those worlds?"
'unterraforming'?

Ch 46
"Kheder Bijan nodded as the female, no _long_ looking meek or unintelligent, padded across the room to secure the door"
'longer'?

Ch 46
"You have to reach this far distant coast you believe _in within_ a set time frame."
'in' or 'within'? Which is it? :)

Ch 47
"...alleys a figure _immerged_ from the deeper shadows..."
'emmerged'?

Ch 47
"...a flash of horn and then the little _female_ continued on..."
With purely Mardukan involvement, shouldn't it be 'male'? You're going to have suh fun ironing out the gender issues. :)

Ch 47
"...at the sight of the armored _tribesman_ in the doorway..."
Same problem, different word. We talked of this online recently. :(

Ch 48
"I'm getting _to_ old for this shit."
'too'

Ch 50
"And if _you're_ company is not given help..."
'your'

Ch 50
"...making sure that their rucksacks _road_ well ..."
'rode'

Ch 51
"You _see_ eager to enter battle."
'seem'

Ch 52
"And St. John-J, Craft and Willis..."
'St. John (J)'?

Ch 52 (the second one)
"...making the mistake of _untherestimating_ us..."
'underestimating' The apparent search and replace victim.

Ch 53
"...it was just _to_ hot in the morning to drink coffee."
'too'

Ch 53
"Maybe _the_ chew tobacco down there."
'they'? 'there's'?

Ch 53
"The _experience_ commander knew a moment of despair."
'experienced'

Ch 54
"_Their_ a ton of mean is what they are..."
'They're'

Ch 55
"Another half _and_ hour and St. John (M)..."
'an'

Ch 56
"Otherwise _you're_ horns would be over my fireplace."
'your'

Ch 57
"...of the fires of Ran-Tai..."
'Rin-Tai'? There are a few other instances.

Ch 57
"The owner of the inn had been all _to_ happy to have the custom..."
'too'

Ch 58
"Well, we don't want him getting _to_ creative..."
'too'

Ch 59
"The tired _by_ willing packbeast snorted..."
'but'?

Ch 59
"In a second the weapon was reloaded. With a weapon like that she could plow through the Boman _like wheat through a scythe_."
Two comments. Should that be 'like a scythe through wheat'? And shouldn't it be barleyrice, or something Mardukan for this POV?

Ch 61
"...the survivors of ___ transferred their allegiance..."
The survivors of... what?

Ch 61
"what _to_ you suggest?"
'do'

Ch 61
"Who will repair the _dykes_ and canals?"
I don't think I want to go there... :)

Ch 61
"...which _the_ do with foot-pedal lathes."
'they'

Ch 62
"The three humans finished _there_ conference..."
'their'

Ch 63
"...was small transmitter that sent burst short, directional burst transmissions..."
'was small transmitter that sent burst short, directional burst transmissions'

Ch 63
"_The_ passed under one of the flying buttresses of that..."
'They'

Ch 63
"The lowing of civan and __ But on the Square..."
Huh?

Ch 64
"Krindi Fain _growned_ and stumbled..."
'groaned'

Ch 64
"...their sticks in lew of pikes..."
'lieu'

Ch 65
"_We you_ are now going to demonstrate your proficiency."
'You', no doubt.

Ch 65
"Including the true Boman. _And_"
'And...?' :)

Ch 66
"Training went on, and the _inexperience_ workmen..."
'inexperienced'

Ch 66
"...a code for messages _too_ and from..."
'to'

Ch 66
"...what the cabals were that _the_ faced."
'they'?

Ch 68
"...the Boman they will surely take _advantabe_ of us."
'advantage'

Ch 68
"I'm going to be _kint'e_ busy."
Looks like the same search & replace that warped 'diant'e'

Ch 68
"I'm sure someone, Grath perhaps, will aduce it."
"aduce???"

Ch 68
"...only the _husses_ sussurance..."
'hushed'?

Ch 68
"...they built their roads and _leveld_ the mountains."
'leveled'

Ch 68
"You _shoult'e_ gone before you suited up..."
That S & R glitch again... 'shoulda', no doubt.

Ch 69
"...stop that human tide of steel and fury."
"Human"?? I know what you mean, but it sounds odd when speaking of scummies.

Ch 69
"...a shock that _through_ the majority back..."
'threw'?

Ch 70
"...the two forces had grappled _thorugh_ the long day..."
'through'?

Ch 71
"...away from the hot _glaze_ of the cleric..."
'gaze'?

Ch 71
"...but mostly _youngersters_."
'youngsters'?

Ch 71
"..._note_ Rus From..."
'noted'?

Ch 72
"...he sent _embassies_ to the Boman..."
'emissaries'? 'ambassadors'?

Ch 72
"...coastal region that produced _Sea-Plume_ wine."
'Sea-Plum'?

Ch 72
"...unable to sail _acros_ it..."
'across'

Ch 72
"Voitan, as _every_ knew, was invincible."
'everyone'?

Ch 76
"...seeing if the implication was, in fact, _and_ implication."
'an'

Ch 77
"...walls without the support of _you_ Marines, your commander and your armor."
'your'?

Ch 78
"I made up to Despreaux, _evne_ though I don't know what I said."
'even'

Ch 79
"...corporal as they approached the _opne_ door.
'open'

Ch 79
"_Wadt'e_ ya got?"
Not *entirely* certain what ot *should be :) Looks like an S & R victim.

Ch 80
"Most of the _persons_ constant patter..."
'person's'?

Ch 80
"_You're_ company is going to be cadre..."
'Your'

Ch 83
"Not chasing swamp _gass_."
'gas', no doubt.

Ch ?? (83+2)
"She was too old to _sea_ what sort..."
'see'

Ch 83+2
"...and _too_ dozens of warriors..."
'took'

Ch 83+3
"I don't know if I'm can _climbe_ up there..."
'climb'

Ch 83+4
"...finished a third group took the _plit_ logs by the side..."
'split'?

Ch 83+4
"..._waving a_ two hands."
'waving two' or 'waving at least two'?

Ch 83+4
"And I'd heard that nobody had _every_ seen you 'with' anyone else."
'ever'

Ch 83+6
"...Cove Guard commander was far to busy _to_ bother..."
'to'

Ch 83+6
"Just get them _do_ this stream..."
'to'

Ch 83+7
"We're not afraid _to die to die_ for our God."
'to die' or something like 'to die, to die...'?

Ch 83+8
"_Then_ entire march from the city ..."
'The'? 'Their'?

Ch 83+8
"When we do I want the sick, the _halt_, the lame..."
'hurt'??

Ch 83+10
"When we get _back to I'll_ do it personally."
'back to [fill in the blank], I'll'? or 'back, I'll'?

Ch 83+10
"Any small group that _charge_ forward was..."
'charged'

Ch 83+11
""Oh, that's cruel," said Roger as he _road_ through the gate."
'rode'

Ch 83+11
"If _you're_ gear is in good shape..."
'your'

Ch 83+11
"...and moving _but_ supplies from Sindi..."
Not sure, here. Delete? or 'nothing but'?

General commentary, or Comments From the Peanut Gallery):
DW decided to forego the 'He said, she said' routine and stick with everyone being 'male'? Still a few artifacts.

Ch 7
"...although that's scarcely uniform and even the ones which have don't have anything resembling mass production or cartridge weapons."
I liked the foreshadowing of the spotty opposition. The gunpowderless Kranolta' and the nastier cousins over the mountains.

Ch 7
"...and they should keep anything in the local biosystem from actively poisoning us."
There are a few places where I feel (and we all know how much weight *my* comments should have! :) ) that word choice is a little *too* prophetic. Maybe using a phrase like 'actively removing toxins' here, or 'stuck out here' in place of 'exiled' when Roger described the glacial valley. Just my two bits.

Ch 12
"...and you might as well give your soul to His Wickedness."
DW did a nice job punching up the Satanic Priestess role.

Ch 15
"...at which point the craft would stand out like elephants on a golf course if anyone happened to overfly them and look down."
Like the 'poison' and 'exiled' bit, seems to leap off the page a bit too much. (Of course, I *know* what's coming, so that may be affecting my perceptions.)

Ch 30
"My toot has a very good assassin program, Captain," he said.
This raises some interesting points and has some interesting implications for the loyalty of the Battalion.

Ch 31
"Telling them how and why couldn't increase the risk that one or both of them might have designs upon them, but - like Pahner's radio listening watch - alerting people with reason to wish them well to the fact that their trail might need covering couldn't hurt."
More set up for the eventual shuttle discovery? I was surprised that it wasn't there by the end of Marshad to throw a blast of icewater on the glow of their recent victories (and slightly depress the ending).

Ch 32
"No wonder we lost [SELECT NAME]."
Aside from the fact that I find this a hoot in such a late version of the story, I think the name from the earlier scene was 'Wilbur'. :)

Ch 40
"What did Cord think of those numbers?" the prince asked, looking over his shoulder at the shaman."
The line is addressed to Pahner, but spoken to Cord, it seems. Should he turn to look at Cord *after* saying the line, instead of *while* he says it? Just curious.


Moderate Questions:

Ch 4
"...whatever _Bronze Company_ might have thought of him."
Shouldn't that be 'Bronze Battalion'? Or 'Bravo Company'? This happens elsewhere, too.

Ch 4
"That was Ensign _Amant'e_ Guha, the ship's logistics officer."
Is that her first name? Or is that still an artifact of that search & replace you did on the 'da' in the earlier mss? (Or is this what you were aiming to replace at that time?)

Ch 6
"He hoped, however, that the _sergeant_ was exaggerating the rest."
You confirmed in Chicago that Poertena's rank should be lance corporal, not sergeant.

Ch 17
Is it my imagination, or has the toot-control of the party's vocal cords been... deemphasized?

Ch 18
"LEDs flashed on the panel..."
I know LEDs are cheap and easy to use, but does it seem likely that they'd still be so prevelant in the 34th century? Perhaps replaced by some other cheap display technology, or called something else?

Ch 18
"Their spouses and kids will have gotten the word by now that they're dead."
In under a week? How far short of Leviathan were they at the assassination attempt? No FTL-comm to get word back other than by courier. How long a trip to Leviathan?

Ch 18
"The company had already refilled its bladders from the pool..."
*That's* certainly one way to phrase it!!!

Ch 20
"D'net Delkra, my brother..."
Not "D'Net", like D'Net Cord? And BTW, why is Delka's (supposed) family name different than Cord's?

Ch 20
"Ah, come on," Moseyev said as he gently moved aside a bit of fern with the barrel of his bead rifle..."
Moseyev was mentioned as being a *she* on DeGlopper.

Ch 23
"...so precisely accurate as to be _mildly hilarious_..."
'Mildly hilarious'? Like 'dim rainbow'??? :) 'mildly funny'? :)

Ch 24
"...and a slight _upward_ slope carried the water..."
'downward'??

Ch 24
"...fields and irrigation ditches _accepted_"
'Echoed it', I think you said! :)

Ch 25
"Given the great monsters the local wildlife gave the natives as models, the demons were particularly good."
Always liked that line. :)

Ch 29
"I hope _Teltan_ can fulfill the trust you placed in him."
Who's Teltan? Two mentions of the name.

Ch 33
"The moon was breaking through the clouds..."
Does it matter which? There are two, I think you said.

Ch 37
"Roger started to slide off of Betty and got slapped on the leg by Sergeant Hin."
'Jin' or 'Hin'? In there twice, at least.

Ch 38
"As the steel-tipped rain..."
'Steel' or 'iron'? I'm losing track of the non-Voitan metalurgy. :(

Ch 39
"Do you think I liked leaving Gelert behind?!"
Check the spelling on 'Gellert'.

Ch 40
"And make sure those damned pack beasts are tied down!"
At that point, hadn't they already been cahined down?

Ch 40
"They cover the _earth_ like the trees."
An odd word for an alien. Or is it just a generic translation for 'the ground'?

Ch 41
"Aim into the middle of the mass, about _two hundred meters_ out."
Is that an artifact of the older versions? DW went to legths to mention the short fire lanes in the city at being under 100-150 meters,

Ch 45
"...you say that the humans will come out on the _Utlan_ side of the river?"
Should that reference Pasule?

Ch 45
"...better physical and moral shape..."
'Morale'??

Ch 45
"...I, Prince Sergei Alexander Chiang MacClintock..."
"Roger Ramius Sergei Chiang MacClintock"?

Ch 47
"....The lesser moon, _Sharma_, was rising..."
Earlier it was 'Shara', I believe.

Ch 52
"These shit-sitters were [SOME MARDUKAN EQUIVALENT OF A SHEEP]."
I think you see what is needed. :)

Ch 52
"...and spread some of the wiry _flir_ grass that thrived in the shadow to cover it..."
'Kur' grass, or a different type?

Ch 53
"Geno, give Gronningen a hand with that."
'Geno'? A new last name, or Gellert's first name of 'Jeno'??


Trivial, or "high heals", issues (Mr. Homonym strikes again!):

Ch 1
"Since it was protected by acid-spitting giant spiders,"
For some reason I keep thinking 'giant, acid-spitting spiders', but that's a copy-editor's job. O:)

Ch 1
"The _caravt_ was bad enough..."
'Cravat'? :)

Ch 2
"In the five _monthsshe'd_ been Sergeant Major of Bravo Company..."
'months she'd'

Ch 2
"_Eleanor_ O'Casey, Captain."
'Eleanora'

Ch 3
"Then she pulled a pin and _oppressed_ a thumbswitch."
'depressed'

Ch 4
"...and an "assassin" program which did several interesting _thing_."
'things'

Ch 4
"...faceless _non entities_ behind..."
'non-entities' or 'nonentities'??

Ch 4
"...about half the time you turn around there's a _Saints_ SpecOps team nosing under the tent..."
'Saint' or 'Saints'? I suppose it could be argued either way.

Ch 6
"_Are_ how about how your imperial mother..."
'Or'? DW's vox software at work. :)

Ch 6
"Saints." _Rogers_ mouth felt dry.
'Roger's' (Do a search on 'Rogers', there are a few places I won't bother showing where the next word begins with 's' and it shows, fer ex, "Rogers said")

Ch 7
"pig pocking pagk" is shown above as "pig pocking pack"

Ch 9
"Give it up, Your Highness," _Potter_ suggested...
Do a search on 'Potter', it shows up a lot later.

Ch 10
"So _that_ it, Your Highness," Captain Krasnitsky finished...
'That's'

Ch 10
"....When we get back to Earth you _an_ look up the citation."
'Can'

Ch 15
"...intended to accept additional _grounds_"
'rounds'

Ch 16
"Clear," _Rider_ said quietly..."
'Roger'

Ch 17
"The beasts burrowed during the day in the dry _hells_..."
'Hills' or 'hells'... coould go either way.

Ch 17
"...O'Casey, and the Navy pilots _were able_ to make anything like the same rate of movement."
'weren't able' or 'were unable'?

Ch 21
"Ayah!" the shaman said, but he refused to show the emotion that threatened to overwhelm _her_."
'Him', now that we're all guys here. :)

Ch 22
"...a plastic cup of water and _to_ analgesic tablets."
'Two'

Ch 22
"He _decked_ his head in shame."
'ducked'??

Ch 23
"A _wouldn't palisade_ surrounded the intersection..."
DW's famous 'wooden palisade'

Ch 23
"...but she _forbore_ to point that out..."
'forebore'??

Ch 26
"_Woen_," she repeated. "All I see before me are stupid women!"
'Women'

Ch 26
"Without _jim_, the X'Intai will roll over us in a day!"
'him', no doubt.

Ch 27
"...to conspire to cheat them if they so _choae_."
'chose' or 'choose'

Ch 27
"But they _an_ also attack us, attack our towns."
'can'

Ch 28
"Hey," Cranla, the third of Court's nephews, protested.
'Cord's'

Ch 28
"...T'Leen said, fingering his broken _on_."
'arm'? too lazy to look up the last version! :)

Ch 29
"The shaman had begun teaching the human _is_ poorly remembered lessons..."
'his'

Ch 29
" We must have a new source of wood if _Q'Knok_ is to survive..."
'Q'Nkok'... do a search, it is messed up in other places as well.

Ch 29
"As I understand it," _Rodgers_ said, nodding in agreement...
'Roger' another variant to search for.

Ch 30
"She carefully didn't _back look_ at the pitiful shape..."
'look back'

Ch 31
"...the leaders of N'Jaa, Kesselotte, and _C'Retena_ had been separated..."
'C'Rtena'

Ch 31
"...had placed _a small explosive charges_ on each of them..."
'a small explosive charge' or 'small explosive charges'?

Ch 32
"When the packet of _deuterium_ was lased..."
Or 'lithium-deuteride'?

Ch 32
"...following the targeting _karat_ of the helmet..."
'caret'? Look for others.

Ch 34
"...like the late _Nanni_ Bosum's..."
'Nassina' or 'Nanni'?

Ch 34
"...and applied the edge of his combat _night_ to the base..."
'knife'

Ch 34
"He _shared_ the contact off cleanly..."
'sheared' (DW's vox software at it's worst! :)

Ch 34
"There are just as many - perhaps more - gay young _man_ than straight young ladies..."
'men'

Ch 35
"_Tthe_ point, Lance Corporal Kane..."
'The'

Ch 35
"None of them seemed _to the up_ to anything interesting..."
'to be up'

Ch 36
"Do you know Corporal Hooker's first name?" _the_ asked..."
'he' or 'the prince'

Ch 36
"And even a surprising number that _can_ make it through RIP."
'can't'??

Ch 37
"The Kranolta's _problem_, although Puvin Eske didn't know it, _were_ dispersion and death rate."
'problem/was' or 'problems/were'?

Ch 37
"Lance Corporal Pentzikis was neither a fool nor _over largely_."
'overly large'?

Ch 38
"...barbarian with a sword on a neo-barb _plant_ was..."
'planet'

Ch 38
"Because I don't intend to fight my _away_ into Voitan."
'way'

Ch 39
"...Pahner looked at him _unwinkingly_ for several moments..."
'unblinkingly'??

Ch 39
"...wall they could be attacked as they _assaulted keep_."
'assaulted the keep'

Ch 39
"...producing what were effectively _well-screen_ trenches..."
'well-screened'?

Ch 40
"...when the moment of "_stand too_" came."
'stand to'??

Ch 40
"Despite the Marines' confidence, _it's_ still seemed like a lot of scummies to him."
'it' - that vox software, again! :)

Ch 41
"...the narrow, twisting streets, choked with rubble_,,_"
extra comma

Ch 44
"You're just going to have to take our word for most of this__ And I'm not sure how much you can do with it."
Period??

Ch 44
"...Dobrescu said with _any_ evil grin."
'an' Vox strikes again.

Ch 46
"They've given _as_ everything we wanted on a silver platter..."
'us'

Ch 46
"He surreptitiously spat _to try to try_ to get the rotten taste out of his mouth..."
double? or missing text? :)

Ch 47
"Jedal Vel _screamedin_ a froth of aspirated blood"
'screamed in'

Ch 47
"...it's a choice between that and the _death_ of their leaders."
'deaths'?

Ch 48
"HRC teams _are_ let anywhere near the recovery planets."
'aren't'

Ch 48
"...while the company waited for word on _what's_ the king intended..."
'what'

Ch 49
"You have to reach this far distant coast you believe _in within_ a set time frame."
'in' or 'within'?

Ch 49
"Furthermore, _you'e_ trapped..."
'you're'

Ch 50
"Denat steeled himself and refused to wonder what the things _of_ bumping against his legs or disintegrating beneath his feet might be."
Ch 50
"...a cube of clay the size of _her_ hand."
'his', now that we're all guys, here. :)

Ch 50
". He looked at the little _male_ out of the corner of his eye."
'female' :)

Ch 52
"If anyone was there to hear his slow passage, they would dismiss _her_ as a stap or basik."
'him'

Ch 52
"The humans had assured _her_ that the package was waterproof, so _she_ lowered himself into the water..."
Gender, gender, gender! :)

Ch 53
"...scuttle off into the bush like _they_ cowards you are."
'the'

Ch 53
"...and we all have jobs to do, so we _can_ put any of you up there."
'can't'?